Appreciating God’s Love
Hello world (and aliens if you’re reading this)
I’ve never considered myself to be someone who is ungrateful. I say ‘thank you’ for everything and in typical British fashion, I say ‘thank you’ even when it isn’t required. Perhaps that’s the issue. I have used and abused gratitude so flippantly that I’ve devalued it...
It’s funny to think that I can even be numb to gratitude. But, crazy though it may seem, it makes perfect sense. I once watched a TED talks video entitled ‘The Power of Vulnerabiltiy’ where the speaker stated that when we numb out pain, we numb out everything. We numb out the ability to feel to its full extent: joy, zeal and evidently, gratitude.
The source of this cognitation occurred when I was reading a book named ‘Thirty Days at the Foot of the Cross’. It asked the poignant question of ‘how precious is your relationship with God to you?’. I had never considered asking myself this question, but faced with it I was hurt by how much I thought very little about it. I enjoy reading the Bible, I love praying, I love the family of believers but do I take extra care to look after my relationship with God? Do I see it as precious? If sin were hurtling at me, full throttle would I sacrifice myself and what I want for the sake of my relationship with God? No. The simple and short answer is no. I’ve never viewed my relationship with God as something to treasure but taken it as a matter of fact. God is God and I’m a disciple so should therefore do this, that and the other. I really struggle to deny myself. I am a self-seeking and self-gratifying monster. I can do all the ‘right’ things until I’m faced with decision of me or God? Am I going to sacrifice me or am I going to recurificy Jesus? And more often then not, Jesus takes the bullet. It deeply saddens me that this is my heart towards God.
The chapter I was reading in the book was called Feel The Pain, and I believe my issue lies with the fact that I don’t actualise the pain I’m causing Jesus every time I put Him back on the cross. I forget that He was pierced for my transgressions and crushed so I could have a relationship with Him and appreciate it (Isaiah 53:5). I have even fallen victim to knowing what to do and dulling the responsibility I have to Christ and doing what makes me ‘happy’. This hardening of heart minimalises the greatest sacrifice and declaration of love shown, and is no wonder why I don’t see my relationship with God as precious when I am so willing to forfeit it.
I haven’t got the complete step-by-step process on how to appreciate God’s love but I know for myself it starts with feeling the pain and accepting I am responsible for the pain I cause Christ. Then being motivated by the fact that He wanted to endure that pain for my sake. As a victim of childhood physical abuse, I know what it feels like to endure physical pain. I know what it can do to shatter your self-worth and system of trust. Growing up I never felt like I had anyone to truly protect me. No one took the bullet for me, no one jumped in the middle to take the blows on my behalf. But I see that’s exactly what Christ did. He took on all the pain I experienced in the past so I wouldn’t have to experience any of that pain in the future. How? In a relationship with God I don’t have to experience the intensity of the hurts that come with being independent of Him, as I have Him and His word to comfort and protect me. The sheer knowledge of this ever-desired protection softens my heart significantly and makes me see how precious my relationship with God is. He not only emphathises with me for my pain but He understands my pain, thinking I was a good enough reason to endure it also - and that... is one in a million.
I’ve never considered myself to be someone who is ungrateful. I say ‘thank you’ for everything and in typical British fashion, I say ‘thank you’ even when it isn’t required. Perhaps that’s the issue. I have used and abused gratitude so flippantly that I’ve devalued it...
It’s funny to think that I can even be numb to gratitude. But, crazy though it may seem, it makes perfect sense. I once watched a TED talks video entitled ‘The Power of Vulnerabiltiy’ where the speaker stated that when we numb out pain, we numb out everything. We numb out the ability to feel to its full extent: joy, zeal and evidently, gratitude.
The source of this cognitation occurred when I was reading a book named ‘Thirty Days at the Foot of the Cross’. It asked the poignant question of ‘how precious is your relationship with God to you?’. I had never considered asking myself this question, but faced with it I was hurt by how much I thought very little about it. I enjoy reading the Bible, I love praying, I love the family of believers but do I take extra care to look after my relationship with God? Do I see it as precious? If sin were hurtling at me, full throttle would I sacrifice myself and what I want for the sake of my relationship with God? No. The simple and short answer is no. I’ve never viewed my relationship with God as something to treasure but taken it as a matter of fact. God is God and I’m a disciple so should therefore do this, that and the other. I really struggle to deny myself. I am a self-seeking and self-gratifying monster. I can do all the ‘right’ things until I’m faced with decision of me or God? Am I going to sacrifice me or am I going to recurificy Jesus? And more often then not, Jesus takes the bullet. It deeply saddens me that this is my heart towards God.
The chapter I was reading in the book was called Feel The Pain, and I believe my issue lies with the fact that I don’t actualise the pain I’m causing Jesus every time I put Him back on the cross. I forget that He was pierced for my transgressions and crushed so I could have a relationship with Him and appreciate it (Isaiah 53:5). I have even fallen victim to knowing what to do and dulling the responsibility I have to Christ and doing what makes me ‘happy’. This hardening of heart minimalises the greatest sacrifice and declaration of love shown, and is no wonder why I don’t see my relationship with God as precious when I am so willing to forfeit it.
I haven’t got the complete step-by-step process on how to appreciate God’s love but I know for myself it starts with feeling the pain and accepting I am responsible for the pain I cause Christ. Then being motivated by the fact that He wanted to endure that pain for my sake. As a victim of childhood physical abuse, I know what it feels like to endure physical pain. I know what it can do to shatter your self-worth and system of trust. Growing up I never felt like I had anyone to truly protect me. No one took the bullet for me, no one jumped in the middle to take the blows on my behalf. But I see that’s exactly what Christ did. He took on all the pain I experienced in the past so I wouldn’t have to experience any of that pain in the future. How? In a relationship with God I don’t have to experience the intensity of the hurts that come with being independent of Him, as I have Him and His word to comfort and protect me. The sheer knowledge of this ever-desired protection softens my heart significantly and makes me see how precious my relationship with God is. He not only emphathises with me for my pain but He understands my pain, thinking I was a good enough reason to endure it also - and that... is one in a million.
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