Memoirs of a Seeker

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20 The Great Commission. This is the call for all those who believe in Christ Jesus, for all Christians. Our everyday purpose should revolve around this premise and should be the lamp to our feet (Psalm 119:105). However, I can certainly confess on my part that this isn’t always my mindset. I can get dragged into the futile belief that my life’s ‘issues’ are important and so life threatening that my eyes can easily shift off the goal that is allowing the Good News to be heard and taking as many souls to heaven as possible. Do Not Worry I am reminded of Matthew 6:33. I believe a lot of our issues as a Christian boil down to a...

This morning I read Genesis 40. I noticed that there is a lot of symbolism of Jesus with the cupbearer representing the wine and the chief baker, the bread. I wanted to completely avoid looking into this as I can sometimes spend tremendous amounts of time wanted to find insights into the Word of God but not connect with God and how He wants to use the Word to change my life that specific day. Therefore, I looked more intently at Joseph’s character. Joseph exhibits many messianic characteristics throughout his life. Specifically here, he shows the heart of servitude. Verse 4 shows that the guard, of the prison they were now in, put Joseph in charge of these men. Joseph was consequently their superior. With superiority comes the temptation to be extremely prideful. Joseph doesn’t take the bait but instead takes care of these men. Joseph displays a great sense of humility. I am by far nowhere close to being humble. I don’t say this in a proud and boastful manner. I say this with regret-f...

UIKeyInputDownArrowAs a result of an abusive past, I have an irrational concept of fear. In situations where I should be overcome with fear, I feel nothing. There were many a time, where I was up against a guy that was twice my size and clearly more skilled than myself, and I would feel no fear as I advanced to fight him. Everything in the situation dictated I should get out of there, but my loudest thought is “I’m not going to be afraid of you” and that fear of being afraid again drowned out everything. I was so terrified to be afraid because I didn’t want to feel the shame that married inferiority. I felt that feeling continually in my relationship with my mum and that shame motivated me to never let anyone or anything make me feel that way. I’d let my mum get that over on me, no one else. Consequently, I lack a healthy fear of God. Any time I am faced with a situation where I know I should take the right rather than the left, I stand proudly saying ‘I’m not going to let that ...

Hello world (and aliens if you’re reading this) I’ve never considered myself to be someone who is ungrateful. I say ‘thank you’ for everything and in typical British fashion, I say ‘thank you’ even when it isn’t required. Perhaps that’s the issue. I have used and abused gratitude so flippantly that I’ve devalued it... It’s funny to think that I can even be numb to gratitude. But, crazy though it may seem, it makes perfect sense. I once watched a TED talks video entitled ‘ The Power of Vulnerabiltiy ’ where the speaker stated that when we numb out pain, we numb out everything . We numb out the ability to feel to its full extent: joy, zeal and evidently, gratitude. The source of this cognitation occurred when I was reading a book named ‘Thirty Days at the Foot of the Cross’. It asked the poignant question of ‘how precious is your relationship with God to you?’. I had never considered asking myself this question, but faced with it I was hurt by how much I thought very little about it...